My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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