He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
