I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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