The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
