Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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