i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
