I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
