i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
