I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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