At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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