By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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