How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
