my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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