I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
