Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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