I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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