I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
