His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
