You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
