Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
