she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
