I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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