Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
