just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize