Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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