I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Randomize
