Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
