i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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