I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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