so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
