Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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