i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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