can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
