Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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