Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
