seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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