I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
