so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
