He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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