When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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