Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
