people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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