no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
