I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
