Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
