I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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