so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Terrible idea I love it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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