just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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