this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
