Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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