I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
