i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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