I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
