did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
