I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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