Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
