there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize