Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
