peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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