he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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