So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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