"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
