i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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