i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
