tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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